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Aug. 17th, 2006 08:18 pmLadies and gentlemen, I give you...
( The worst book cover EVER )
But wait! It gets better. The author has a website! Take a few minutes. Poke around.
You'll find out that all her character names start with "Dj," with a silent D. Names like Djerrold, Djustine, Djonn, Djetthro and Djason. Now that's what I call world-building. That silent "d" makes them soooo alien.
You'll learn that this book is part of a series on intergalactic royal chess sex slaves... or something.
You'll see an "authentic" hill figure in Dorset, England, and, "see what FORCED MATE's alien hero's sarcastic human side-kick has to say about the Giant's 30 linear foot erection."
And there are excerpts! Excerpts! Like the following:
"I want to do it all," he breathed. "I want to make love to you according to the ways of every sexually reproducing species in all the Communicating Worlds. Every one. From frogs to Great Djinn. After that, we'll work up to thrusting Tantric sex."
"Oh, Stars," she gasped.
"And I take that as informed consent."
Wait -- you want to have sex like yeast do? And, uh, flowers? You want to ejaculate in the water and have her swim through it, like a fish? Or, you want her to bite off your head while you copulate, like some insects? What?
I just like the confirmation that there is, in fact, worse erotic writing than you find on ff.net. And this author doesn't even have the excuse of being 13.
ETA: God, this site just keeps getting better and better. Check this out. Do one of the puzzles. Seriously.
( The worst book cover EVER )
But wait! It gets better. The author has a website! Take a few minutes. Poke around.
You'll find out that all her character names start with "Dj," with a silent D. Names like Djerrold, Djustine, Djonn, Djetthro and Djason. Now that's what I call world-building. That silent "d" makes them soooo alien.
You'll learn that this book is part of a series on intergalactic royal chess sex slaves... or something.
You'll see an "authentic" hill figure in Dorset, England, and, "see what FORCED MATE's alien hero's sarcastic human side-kick has to say about the Giant's 30 linear foot erection."
And there are excerpts! Excerpts! Like the following:
"I want to do it all," he breathed. "I want to make love to you according to the ways of every sexually reproducing species in all the Communicating Worlds. Every one. From frogs to Great Djinn. After that, we'll work up to thrusting Tantric sex."
"Oh, Stars," she gasped.
"And I take that as informed consent."
Wait -- you want to have sex like yeast do? And, uh, flowers? You want to ejaculate in the water and have her swim through it, like a fish? Or, you want her to bite off your head while you copulate, like some insects? What?
I just like the confirmation that there is, in fact, worse erotic writing than you find on ff.net. And this author doesn't even have the excuse of being 13.
ETA: God, this site just keeps getting better and better. Check this out. Do one of the puzzles. Seriously.