More bad David Hewlett films
Jan. 23rd, 2006 12:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ivyficNetflix is an evil influence. It has led me to continue to rent obscure David Hewlett films just because I can.
Nothing
This is from the director of The Cube and is by far the most bizarre film I've ever seen. Premise: Two losers hate the world so much they make it disappear. That's the first fifteen minutes. The rest of the movie is them figuring out that they can make anything disappear - objects, feelings (like hunger), memories. At one point David Hewlett's character makes the fact that he gives a shit disappear. It certainly is a new take on relationships. Mad at someone? Just wish your anger away.
Of course, they can't make things reappear, so (you can see where this is going) they finish the movie as two disembodied heads, bouncing around like pinballs. They can't go any further than that, since it turns out they don't really hate each other, so they can't make each other disappear. So they bounce off together into the sunset.
Freaking weird.
The movie has two redeeming features. The first - the extremely cute and extremely gay opening credits. The second - about halfway through the film, Hewlett's character is trying to sneak up on the house by crawling. But he's not crawling crawling, he's inching along by sort of doing a push-up, then moving forward on his tippy-toes, then lieing back down again. This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It really defies description.
Hewlett's character (named "David," surprise, surprise) is like Dr. Rodney McKay but with none of the redeeming qualities. He's still self-aggrandizing and egomaniacal, but he's not actually any good at anything. Loo-seer.
Where the Heart Is
This was actually a mainstream movie, starring Uma Thurman and all. I'm not even going to write about the plot because it was so stupid and badly written that it's not worth mentioning.
But the movie (11% on the tomatometer) is worth it because David Hewlett spends the middle third of it dressed as Cupid. Fully body-paint, rouge and lipstick, blonde curly wig, wings, and a feathered thong. I can't even begin to describe to you the absurdity of him playing dramatic scenes in this get-up. If only I could figure out how to screen capture it, I would have the best Hewlett icon ever.
Remember - I rent these things so you don't have to. Up next in the queue - bad Joe Flanigan movies.
Nothing
This is from the director of The Cube and is by far the most bizarre film I've ever seen. Premise: Two losers hate the world so much they make it disappear. That's the first fifteen minutes. The rest of the movie is them figuring out that they can make anything disappear - objects, feelings (like hunger), memories. At one point David Hewlett's character makes the fact that he gives a shit disappear. It certainly is a new take on relationships. Mad at someone? Just wish your anger away.
Of course, they can't make things reappear, so (you can see where this is going) they finish the movie as two disembodied heads, bouncing around like pinballs. They can't go any further than that, since it turns out they don't really hate each other, so they can't make each other disappear. So they bounce off together into the sunset.
Freaking weird.
The movie has two redeeming features. The first - the extremely cute and extremely gay opening credits. The second - about halfway through the film, Hewlett's character is trying to sneak up on the house by crawling. But he's not crawling crawling, he's inching along by sort of doing a push-up, then moving forward on his tippy-toes, then lieing back down again. This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It really defies description.
Hewlett's character (named "David," surprise, surprise) is like Dr. Rodney McKay but with none of the redeeming qualities. He's still self-aggrandizing and egomaniacal, but he's not actually any good at anything. Loo-seer.
Where the Heart Is
This was actually a mainstream movie, starring Uma Thurman and all. I'm not even going to write about the plot because it was so stupid and badly written that it's not worth mentioning.
But the movie (11% on the tomatometer) is worth it because David Hewlett spends the middle third of it dressed as Cupid. Fully body-paint, rouge and lipstick, blonde curly wig, wings, and a feathered thong. I can't even begin to describe to you the absurdity of him playing dramatic scenes in this get-up. If only I could figure out how to screen capture it, I would have the best Hewlett icon ever.
Remember - I rent these things so you don't have to. Up next in the queue - bad Joe Flanigan movies.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 06:12 pm (UTC)Um...thanks!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 10:44 pm (UTC)You should apply to write movie reviews for SomethingAwful. That's the excuse they give when the forcibly subject themselves to the worst movies on any rating scale. The last one--Evil Cult--was so scorchingly bad, it was only the second movie they've reviewed to earn a -50 rating.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 10:51 pm (UTC)In my defense - these movies are bad, but they're not that bad. They still have enough redeeming qualities to be entertaining. I'm not quite willing to subject myself to the truly awful (unless there's money in it, of course).
no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 11:04 pm (UTC)Also: feathered thong. Just thought I'd get it out there.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 11:21 pm (UTC)And don't my reviews just make you want to go out and rent these?
no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 04:05 am (UTC)See? You're already making me laugh!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 04:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 04:04 pm (UTC)::beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep::
Call it--joke died at approximately 11:01 AM, 24 January, 2006.