(no subject)

Because I do not know what is good for me, I read some of Forced Mate by Rowena Cherry. feiran gave a quick glance through and determined that the aliens in this intergalactic royal chess sex slave series are in fact amphibious and do ejaculate into the water, which sounds...not fun. And the heroine is a human who is destined to be the mate of the prince (or something) of this alien race. But not just any human, no! A virgin romance novelist! Who tells the prince to reenact the scenes in her novel to learn how to have sex like a human. Hello, Rowena Sue!

From what I saw, I just have to put a few choice quotes. The hero talking dirty about *erm* a specific body part:
"My love, you're like an elastic creature of the sea."

On how long this particular session will last:
If he was lucky, they might mate three times an hour for the next twenty-one.

This is because he's an alien, of course, and has something called rut-rage. The words "rut rage," "rage rut" and even at one point "rut-rageous" appear over and over. His oaths are things like, "Great fiery balls!" But best of all, truly, is the transition into the next scene. Because not even Rowena Cherry can write a sex scene that lasts twenty-four hours:

One Thousand Loving Thrusts Later

Oh, god -- just four lines later, there's this:
In chess terminology, his little mate was well and truly forked!
What chess have you been playing?

Seriously, Rowena, you're my new favorite author.