I think I'm scarred

katertoticus visited this weekend. Much happiness!

She brought with her a few goodies: "The Official Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Karate Club" video, starring Jason David Frank as "Tommy." It comes with a free jacket patch. Rockin'! According to the cover, I will "become a Junior Power Ranger ... It's one hot kata!"

I haven't had a chance to watch it yet.

katertoticus also brought with her "The Star Wars Holiday Special," which we watched this morning. It is a rite of passage every true Star Wars fan must endure.

Oh, my dear lord. I think that's the worst thing I've ever seen, and this is coming from someone who's watched "Mitchell" on MST3K, most of Ed Wood's opus, and actually enjoys Power Rangers.

It was brain-numbingly bad.

My favorite parts of the special:
-The fact that the Wookie tree house on an alien world looked just like a 1970's split level, complete with shag carpeting. What did the set dresser do? Take a van to K-Mart?
-Boba Fett's introduction, during which, as katertoticus pointed out, we learn that he is Quaker. How else do you explain him saying, "friend" five times in every sentence?
-Mark Hammill wearing so much eye liner and eye shadow he looked like a drag queen.
-Carrie Fisher looking decidedly high.
-Fifteen minutes with no dialogue, just Wookie grunting, broken up by inexplicable feather-bestrewn acrobats and Lumpy's attempt to prove Darwin right.
-Vader ordering a house-to-house search through an entire system. That's a well thought-out use of Imperial resources right there. Especially if your searchers seem completely unaware of what they're supposed to be looking for. And snap alot.
-It's nice to know that, even when you're a highly-placed member of an ultra-secret rebel movement under a totalitarian regime, any Wookie on Kashyyyk can find your number.
-Not to mention the Wookie porn, which wasn't even good porn, and the Cabaret-style song and dance number in the cantina which was, for some obviously insidious reason, required viewing for all members of the Empire. No wonder they're an evil regime. They force their citizens to watch crap.

And then all the Wookies grab glowy balls and get magically transported to the cave-like interior of a sun, where they are dressed like a southern gospel choir and joined by Leia, Luke and Han for no reason. And at this point, where you're scratching your head and going the fuck? Then - oh, then - Princess Leia sings. To the tune of the Star Wars theme, no less. While fondling Chewbacca.

God, I hope the money was worth it for these people.

I'm beginning to see why Harrison Ford never participated in a SW spin-off project ever again.

It's at times like these that I'm glad of the prequels. Why, you ask? Because before the prequels, any endeavour licensed by Lucas and featuring Star Wars characters was canon. Which meant that in the extended universe, Chewbacca really did have a father named Itchy, a wife named Mahla, and a moronic son named Lumpy. And they did celebrate Life Day. And somewhere on Kashyyyk is a merchant who sells pocket aquariums and greets people by saying, "Hi! I'm a rebel!" And...oh god! The implications make my brain hurt! BUT, with the advent of the prequels, all bets are off as to what is canon and what isn't. So I choose to entirely disregard everything said and done in the Holiday Special, as I think is wise.